stephanie lee - Semiprecious Salvage

grafting happiness

because you are alive

because you love

because you have walked through pain

because you have also walked through indescribable joy

because you deserve to know the truth about yourself

because that truth will show you how much you can do

because what you can do and who you are is nothing short of miraculous

because you work so hard to be. here. now.

because sometimes you might be waiting for a better now before you let yourself really see the beauty

because there is no one and nothing that can dim your light

because you can graft pure happiness into the wounds of old story

because you can graft pure happiness into the places where you've misunderstood who you are

because you can graft pure happiness into the heart of who you tell yourself you can be

because, in the journey to living a purposeful life, you should know that happiness can be with, through, and from you every step of the way

 

 

I invite you to join me in my third annual journaling ecourse crafted with the singular vision to join you in the garden of your spirit, to guide you in grafting happiness that will grow sturdy and strong in the root stock of story.

Happiness is your birthright.

Supplies needed: journal, pen, willingness

 

You will receive a confirmation email within 48 hours of registration that will include classroom access details. I will send the confirmation email to the address that paypal has on file for you. Please let me know if you prefer a different email to be used in the "note to seller".

fresh start junkie

 

We're 23 days into the new year. Do you feel the promisingness of it still? Are you holding that tiny fresh air bubble that lingers of newness between the inbreath and the outbreath?

 

I hope so. I hope you have not let a crust form over the thought of a new beginning. No matter how many times you've told yourself that this year will be the year and it hasn't been, it's never not a good time to change your mind.

After 23 days of not being here, the stories I've been saving up to tell you whiz nintey miles an hour in the front of my brain like those spinning cables full of clothing at the dry cleaners. The ghosts in them all lean forward trying to get to the front of the line. Mom says that when you've been away from your journal for a while and the tendency to think you need to fill in the blanks of passed time, it's better to just start where you are.

Here I are.

 

I love the new year. Not just the one that on January 1st but also the new year I feel when the first Daffodils bloom and the one that I feel when my birthday rolls around in July. Then there's the new year that creeps cooly in when the ponies go back to school. While we're at it I also love Monday's and the first day after a long vacation (and the first day OF a long vacation.) I'll find any excuse to claim the start of a new year because, well, I'm a fresh start junkie. I've managed to drag out that feeling of fresh-startness darn near all month so far because, well, I've been kinda hard on myself for a while and I figured that now is as good a time as any to be a bit kinder to me (which includes gently closing the door to all I've let in from outside of me that hasn't been kind).

 

I love this place. This journal where I share with you and the thoughts bounce out from my head to your hearts and back again. This place is my "connection with the beauty 'out there'" journal and the paper one I write on nearly daily is my "connection with the beauty 'in here'" journal. I love them both and need them both. Without one, the other takes on too mighty an idea of self importance. Like it's all that there is in my world. I don't know much about archetypes and the zodiac and what have you but if there is an archetype or sign that is the embodiment of the need for equal connection to "out there" and "in here", I am she.

 

 

Sometimes there is a need for me to step into one more than the other for a while and this past month I've done just that. I've nearly filled a paper journal since my list visit on this blog with beautiful reconnection to myself I've been opening up to. I've doled out my energy sparingly and thoughtfully, opened my heart to that which I've been too preoccupied to let in before. I spent a weekend at the beach with women who are a gift to me beyond words. Deep, deep wells of compassion, understanding and encouragement. They helped me more clearly see the various vacuums I've been giving my energy to in the recent and not so recent past. I love seeing where I can loosen the bolts and leave the heavy load in the road behind me.

It's not just a month's worth of self-reconnection. It's three or four years of asking questions and my readiness to hear the answers finally converging. I'm shifting big in my heart when it comes to how I want to share my art, who I want to share it with, what words I will finally let spill on to paper, and the emergence of seeds of purpose that have been germinating patiently - though also feverishly - for a good long while. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

This luxurious time with myself mostly in internal quietude has opened my eyes to places I've given my energy to that have been little more than vacuums. Relationship vacuums. Creative vacuums. Old story vacuums. I've been percolating for the past couple of years on some possible changes in where I put my energy and listened to how my body responds to those possibilities when I take them into my heart, breathe deeply, and let myself imagine each choice as it becomes evident. My body knows exactly what I need if I listen.

 

I've defined a bit of clear action. I'm gifting myself with the focus of living the Pareto Principle as much as I can. I'm honoring both my need for order and direction and my need for fluidity and openess to inspiration. I'll flounder, for sure, but every tiny move in the direction of honoring my energy is good and healing and expands into more of the same.

 

And so, in spite of a bit of uncertainty, I've made some decisions for myself, for how and where I give my energy in the coming year. I little part of me wants to think that it's something I should have done a long time ago except that I know better than to go there, really. I know better than to think that my idea of how "fast" I should be moving has anything to do with the condition of my heart and readiness. Then again, sometimes the only thing my heart and readiness are waiting on is for me to just make a move or to change my mind about myself. Probably mostly the latter.

Once I know that my decisions will not hurt my family - this is paramount - I step into them. I step into giving and receiving love of many forms. I step into being totally good with my progress. I step into the strength I have that keeps me from thinking I'm a victim of anything and blaming any person or circumstance for my discomfort. And the reverse is true too. 

I love the feeling of trust. I love not needing to have a time line in place. I love the release of needing results now. I'm in that beautiful place of stepping out over the edge and knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that the invisible stone will become visible under my feet at the exact perfect moment. I don't always feel this way because sometimes I believe that what I hear in the vacuums is what is real.

Here is where I realize I am possibly sounding both vague and oracular at once. But that's just how it is sometimes. The known and the beautiful unknown colliding on my plate at the same time. A feast like no other. I'll let you know how it tastes as I dig in deeper.

Though it may seem a bit behind, I think there are exactly 365 days this year when I will be in love with this new year's list I found on The Dishwasher's Tears. I unintentionally memorized it right away:

• clean the house
• clean the body
• clean the mind
• get down on my knees in gratitude for every single second of my silly little life
• pray for us all
• expand my circle of compassion
• let go of everything I don’t need to keep dragging around
• accept myself exactly as I am
• i mean, really accept myself.

Amen.

 

 

 

 

new year

Sometimes when unquestioned assumptions start building up in my veins, I get in my car and turn up some basey music really loud so that the beat vibrates in my chest. Each thump of the base drum pumps forgiveness in. Forgiveness of others' doing-the-best-they-know and forgiveness of my own tendency to define myself according to their ideas of me. It's hard to forgive yourself for taking everything personally. It's hard to forgive yourself for thinking you should do/be better all the time. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at someone who you say has hurt you. It's hard to forgive yourself for being angry at yourself for your shortcomings. But it is the most important forgiveness there is. Forgiving yourself.

The beat and the forgiveness tenderizes the heart muscle and by the end of the song, the toxic juices have dripped through the floor boards and are steaming on the frozen road behind me. Sometimes I cry, it feels so good. My gratitude for life naturally slips in where forgiveness has made a welcome bed and the plumbing that was installed right behind my eyes blasts full force. The poor dog in the back of the car doesn't know what to think.

Happiest of new year's to each and every one of you. I wish for you in this coming year (and always) that you know that you are beauty and you are the beholder. You are forgiveness and you are forgiven. You are love and you are loved. Life is so incredibly good and beautiful. All of it.

See you on the flip side.

 

{one last} Big Thank you Ebook Sale!

Thank you so much to all of you who ordered your ebooks during my Big Thank you Ebook sale!! It was a great success and left me pleasantly buried in emails and orders for a bit. Quite a few of you emailed asking if I would do it again and so, for this weekend only, I am. So, for those of you who missed it the first time, I'm having

both my

Handbook of Elements

 and

Homesteader's Metalsmithing eBooks  

are on sale {bigtime} only until midnight on Monday, December 19th.

So, if you've been waiting to gift you or someone who's creative exploration you want to encourage, now is the perfect time!  

To learn more about or purchase your Handbook of Elements eBook at  

{darn near} 50% off, go  here.

To learn more about or purchase your Homesteader's Metalsmithing eBook at {darn near} 50% off, go  here.

 

IMPORTANT:
I will be shipping the Homesteader's Metalsmithing on Tuesday, December 20th via USPS first class mail. Though there is no guarantee, the nice ladies at the Post Office said you should get it in time for Christmas if you live in the contiguous United States.
The Handbook of Elements ebook is in its final stages of production and will be sent as soon as possible.
It was not originally going to be a downloadable ebook but my awesome designer has made it so that it just may be available that way. If so, you will receive a download link within a couple of days after your purchase. If not, the disk version of the ebook will be mailed to you right after Christmas.

Thank you!!

Winter Decoration

Christmas decorating is never a tidy task in the Lee house. A heap of mess on every surface lingers for days while we decorate for the holiday. Eventually (though not yet) I get it all tidied up and we enjoy the anticipatory glow that slips over and around everything. The December moon is adding to the divinity of the quiet, cold nights throwing her shawl of cool light across the floors. Amidst all the decorating, I've created a few trinkets for the ears and garlands for the neck and wrist perfect for gift giving (to you or someone else).

Enjoy perusing my shop to see the new goodies.

 

the spaces in between delusion and valid inspiration

I'm here. The world has been frozen for days. I look out any window and see a haze of white. We rarely get snow but a good week or so of hard freezes are not unusual. I've been letting the hens out of their fenced in area to let them roam the cold acres and find whatever winter grub they can scratch up. They usually huddle together in some sun somewhere. Yesterday we lost one of our oldest and most favorite girls to a roaming dog. Found him later up the dirt road munching on a pile of dog food someone dumped for him on the edge. He was already plump and well fed and I imagine he has a warm bed somewhere near a woodstove that he wandered from. He and I both prefer that he find that bed and stay there.

When I feel like some sort of illness is knocking on my door, I like to bundle up and take deep breaths of the outside. A head cold seems to want in and, being one who isn't much into surrendering to any such thing, I put on boots, a big, puffy, green coat and went outside to wander in the cold sunshine and suck the air hard into my nose. (To then come back inside and stick my head over a steaming kettle of mint water, breathing the hot germ-killing steam up into my brain).
Outside I looked for nothing in particular but did see much. We have our fair share of little piles of wood and garden tools and buckets and fencing and the like all over this piece. They are orderly piles, but they are piles nontheless. I rediscovered 8 concrete pilasters that will be perfect for a window installation somewhere along the way.

The first installation has been in for a few days now. It's been fun driving by...looking at the lights and the gifts. It is a relatively simple installation - a good way to start when dipping one's toes in the water. There are so many things that we can only learn as we go. Like how far the lights need to be from the wall. What wattage. What color works for the installation walls AND the exterior paint color. All those kinds of things. Theman and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary and 16th "together" anniversary. He totally wins my over (again and again) when he helps me do artsy stuff. I just stand back and stare like I've forgotten my name. "Mrs. Him" is good enough for me right then.

The window is in part of a reflection of where my head has been lately. I have been focused lately on the concept of unreasonable happiness. You know, where you are just happy because. Not because of... I've been thinking about what blooms naturally from the fertile soil of a heart that is happy and thinking of what a profound and bless-ed gift it is to everyone else when one just IS happy. Happy. Such a simplistic word often tossed aside for more sophisticated words and concepts. Surely life can't be so simple as to just choose happiness...? Call me crazy (or Sue or Bill or whatshername) but I say it's worth the effort to test the theory. I suspect it will take 80-95 years to know for sure.

I can dream up all sorts of world-saving ideas and am getting less and less suprised when my thoughts that are thrown out all end up boomeranging to the condition of my own heart. Pride is never kind and so I work to solve all the world's problems by working on my own heart healing. I love what Steve Martin says...."There is no harm in charging oneself up with delusuions between moments of valid inspiration." Mostly I don't know which is which so I just let it all swirl about on my to do list. I'm thinking of starting a "to be" list too. I'd love to be "without guile" like my dear friend, Jenny, who is supportive, funny, kind, encouraging, sassy, and the first to be willing to help with a crazy idea like The Affirmation Project. You'll see more of her work included in the coming installations.

Here is the full installation. Mostly it's a glow of light that can be seen from a car better than it is showing up in this picture.

It reads:

"Because there is uncertainty in the world, your optimism is a gift. Because there is sadness, your hope is a gift.

Because there is busyness in the world, your smile is a gift. Because there is fear, your LOVE is a gift."

It felt like a good thing to say this time of year.

I keep having to pull myself back in to the present moment of just enjoying what we've worked towards these many weeks because as is the norm with these kinds of things, I'm already thinking about the next one. Brush up on your love-letter writing skills. I'm going to put out and call for them soon.

Maybe if you listen to this while you write, you'll tap into some deep water vein of truth telling that will spill out authentic and melodic like old timey banjo music. (This talent is none other than the incredible Darren Jahn, owner of the local Ace Hardware who donated the materials for the walls of our window installation. I've ordered a copy of his original music as well as one for a Christmas present. Funny the things you learn about people when you start talking about what you are passionate about and it resonates with what they are passionate about in some way.)

 

 

eBook orders update

Thank you to all of you who ordered eBooks over the weekend. I'm not at all displeased with the mountain of orders that need my attention. I'm working my way through and will be shipping out over the next few days.

I'm so grateful for such wonderful support and that what I have to offer is something many of you enjoy.

These five-liner posts are not my typical modus operandi. In the mean time, here's a bit of Christmas music car harmony between a pony and me complete with tinkling of the dog collar from my first every childhood pup hanging from the rearview mirror and a pony cackle and snort at the end...my favorite part. We may sound serious and thoughtful, but really we were both restraining the laughter ready to burst out. It just happens.

Download Silent Night Harmony and giggle

 (I'm not sure why it says "download". Just click it to play. You know, if you don't have anything better to do for the next 57 seconds.)

 

a few more hours left...

...of my "big thank you" ebook sale which ends at midnight PST tonight.

Enjoy!

 

A Big Thank You eBook Sale!

You have been such loyal supporters and i'm saying thank you with
Both my Homesteader's Metalsmithing and my Handbook of Elements eBooks are on sale almost half off! (Please note that the Handbook ebook is in the very final stages of production and will ship as soon as it is complete.)

In other news, the Affirmation Project is chuggin' right along. Walls are up, paint is dry, lighting is getting perfected...lots of details all coming together. I'm loving it. Just loving it!

happiness can give them to you for free

"The happier you are, the more your ego will potentially experience a fear of loss. Particularly the loss of suffering. You might think that you would be pleased to see the end of suffering - and indeed you may -  unless, that is, you have become identified with and attached to your suffering. Suffering says to diferentiate your ego from other egos. 'No one has suffered exactly the way as you have. Your suffering is special, it is your own story.' You may also believe that it is your suffering that makes you interesting, complex, unique, quirky, and mysterious.

Everyone has to choose between happiness and the payoffs of unhappiness. Some of the common admitted payoffs are:

'Unhappiness wins me attention.'   
'Unhappiness drives me.'
'Unhappiness buys me love.'
'Unhappiness helps me connect to other people.'
'Unhappiness makes me feel alive.'

Yes, unhappiness can buy you all of the above and happiness can give them to you for free.

Here's the bottom line: You will find it easier to accept and enjoy greater happiness the more you outgrow the need to suffer. When you let go of suffering, you do have to let go of any unhealthy attachments to your own, unique history. But in doing so, you also open yourself up to new possibilities for happiness, love, and success starting from now. When you loose suffering, you don't necessarily loose the payoffs of suffering, you simply receive them in an easier, gentler way."

-Robert Holden